A long time ago, in a jungle far, far away, near a driving range, a snake named Maurice longed to come to America and see the world’s best golf courses. He had gotten to Scotland by sneaking into Colin Montgomery’s golf bag, but it was too damp for him and he didn’t like haggis. Maurice then traveled to Ireland to check out their courses and do a pub crawl. One day at a course outside of Dublin, Maurice scared a local and the Irishman smote Maurice with his club. So, besides having no other snakes to talk to, thanks to St. Patrick, Maurice now had a niblick shaped contusion! Maurice was so angry he cursed the man, “May you three-putt every green the rest of your round!” The man did just that. Maurice had enough of Ireland and headed to America stowed away in Paddy Harrington’s shaving kit.
After touring much of the eastern half of the U.S. Maurice arrived in Arizona where he had lots of relatives. One day Maurice was watching play at a local course and met the foursome he would spend the rest of his life with. Maurice is a smelly snake so the foursome wanted to get rid of him. Maurice loved these guys so much that he made them a deal. The last one that 3-putts has to take me home until next week!. The players, especially Bone, did not like the deal. Quickbuck then added, “And, whoever takes him home has to pay each player $1 each!” Stone really liked the talk about money and quickly agreed. Malibu laughed because he had just missed an 18 inch putt that gave Bone the snake. It was all agreed and Maurice had a place to live forever. He was happy at last! The slithering, slimy, bas$#%*.